“Time to end this little game!”

Why do I keep coming back to this game? It’s like I don’t know how to follow the way of the sane: quit doing the same damn thing over and over and try doing something different for a change.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim is a game I keep coming back to for whatever reason. I’d like to think this is because it has an open world for me to explore that doesn’t hinder me in any way and because I can mess around in various dungeons repeatedly. I know a lot of people don’t like it, but respawning enemies makes the world feel a bit more alive to me. Of course, the spawns have to be realistically proportioned in such a way that the game doesn’t feel contrived.

My return to this game turned out to be a bad idea; first of all, I downloaded a bunch of mods to help freshen up the experience a bit, but, as is quite plainly obvious, the game got anything but adequately fresh. In fact, I had to go through the character creation charade three whole times due to two mods pissing me off to such an extent that I went through the effort. I suppose this is where I begin splitting the post into parts? Fuck me if even these past five years have taught me how to write structurally sound blog posts.

Attempt #1: Insufferable intelligence

This is not the first time I’ve had this issue. Well, I suppose I ought to explain my issue to clarify things up a bit first, what? It’s a minor issue, but an annoying issue nonetheless: the mod Immersive Citizens – AI Overhaul SE is a load of skeevershit. The mod supposedly makes NPCs in cities and villages more immersive in the sense that they do more interesting things, which it does, but not very well.

I have now been playing without this mod for a few hours across a handful of days, and I can honestly say very little has changed. I honestly could not give less of a shit whether the NPCs in this game act “immersive”; this game’s engine is clearly incapable of any kind of intellectual immersion as far as NPCs go, so why force it? Additionally, I have quite astutely narrowed one issue down to this mod: it fucks with enemy aggression.

Why does this mod even touch enemy aggression? Here’s the thing: when enemies aggro me in this game while the mod is active, it takes a trillion years for them to deaggro, i.e. “lose sight of me”. This is an incredibly annoying side-effect of this mod, mainly due to the obnoxious combat music this game has. I don’t know how they managed to do this, but the game has combat tracks that are barely noticeable during combat yet infuriatingly irritating whenever combat should not be taking place. It astonishes me how I can grow to hate a piece of music so much.

So, anyway, I turn the mod off and start another character because, well, the mod changes so many things in the game, it’s basically fucking mandatory that I create a new character after the uninstall process. But wait! There are more issues!

Attempt #2: Temporal tarnation

Sometimes, I wish I could experience the entirety of Skyrim anew by somehow forgetting everything about the game. I’d crack my skull against the pavement if it didn’t come with so many other bad symptoms, but, alas, ’twas not meant to be. No, instead, I get to experience the what-the-fuckery that is Ultimate Deadly Encounters, a.k.a. Sands of Time, a.k.a. that one mod with a sexy banana (?), a.k.a. my last-ditch effort at a personal Skyrim renaissance.

Honestly, can anybody please tell me what the hell is up with this mod? It makes no goddamn sense! Firstly, what is up with the mod’s description and website? I get the comedic relief, but I’m trying to install the mod properly, for fuck’s sake, not read a modder’s version of the Googology Wiki. Seriously, fuck that festering cesspool of pretentious pseudo-intellectuals.

This mod’s strange informational layout and obviously quite disturbed authors notwithstanding, I found the extremely script-heavy mod’s effects on the game to be quite… uninteresting. First of all, why did the mod immediately start spamming enemies the moment I exited Riverwood for Bleak Falls Barrow? First, some wolves spawned, then some relatively ridiculously powerful skeletons spawned, and, finally, in Bleak Falls Barrow proper, some bandit highwaymen shortly juxtaposed with nonsense floating ghostly axes and a mysterious stranger clad in a warrior’s armor and—whom the fuck does this pander to? What is this shit? I didn’t ask for this! Why did all this trash spawn? What the hell is this mod doing to my game? Why does my health keep replenishing all the fucking time? Why are the axes attacking the guy? What is even going on? How did this guy even get here in the first place? I asked for more immersion, not whatever the hell this is!

Finally, as the final nail in the mod’s own coffin, I speak to this guy and am like: “hey, thanks for saving me and stuff or whatever,” and he’s like: “yeaaaa bruh les’go to tha pub ‘n’ shieet,” and I’m like: “okay… I guess?” Then, just like that, we’ve teleported to the Sleeping Giant Inn.

So, again, I ask: “can anybody please tell me what the hell is up with this mod?” I keep asking this question because I am absolutely dumbfounded as to what this mod is trying to accomplish. It adds a bunch of overleveled enemies with far too much health, yet I am granted the power of constant health regeneration just out of the blue? If this mod is trying to achieve a more fast-paced and adrenaline-filled combat experience, it falls flat on its non-existent ass, because there was no pace required, and the adrenaline was absent because my health kept regenerating for no apparent reason. On the other hand, if this mod was created with the intent of giving the player the feeling of being a true Dovahkiin in that it grants them greater powers fit only for the Chosen One, it also fails miserably, because that’s not what I was looking for, dipshit!

“I recommend Spartan level.” I’ll show you Spartan, spaz. Down the hole you go, along with this pile of vomit! Perhaps I can play this game without nonsensical spawn rates and other such bullsh—yeah, no. That’s not going to happen, is it?

Attempt #3: Skypiss

I’m all burnt out. There will no more ‘rimming for me any time soon, and I’m not talking about the filthy kind – did you not see the apostrophe?

All digressions aside, unless I change my mind once again like the unbelievable dumbass I am, this game is dead to me. Fuck this game. I don’t want to see one more fucking one-hit-kill giant frostbite spider. I don’t want to see any more freezes on transitions between areas. I don’t want to see any more retarded floating sleeping NPCs. I don’t want to see another billion SMIM barrel lids being lifted as I loot another fucking bandit cave. I don’t want to see any more terrain seams from this game’s awful LOD in the distance. I don’t want to see any more trees and buildings popping into existence as I approach another pseudo-village, any more of the type of which I also don’t want to see.

And, in the event that any of the sightings above do happen to come to be, please, for the love of all that be holy, do not ever let me catch sight of the Creation Club again.

Res post scriptum gravis

Finally, as a disclaimer, I don’t actually think that the creators of Ultimate Deadly Encounters are disturbed, but I really do think the people over at the Googology Wiki are quite demented. Fucking meameamealokkapoowa


Oh, look! The AGDQ 2018 schedule is up!

And it’s absolute garbage. What is this? Is this supposed to be a joke? Either these are all games I don’t give a shit about, or the good games will be run in the middle of the fucking night on weekdays. That’s just great.

Not that it matters, anyway—the damn event has been a clusterfuck the last year. First of all, what PC dumbasses are in charge of the chat rules? Honestly, it’s like a fucking kindergarten, where saying booboo words is a severe no-no. haHAA, it’s like they’re offended or something. This wouldn’t even be a problem if everything else wasn’t so cringy, especially the way it was this summer. Holy hell, if that repeats, I’m out.

But, seriously, the only good games this year are:

  • Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy,
  • Ratchet & Clank,
  • The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim,
  • Yooka-Laylee,
  • LittleBigPlanet 2,
  • Resident Evil 7: Biohazard,
  • Silent Hill,
  • Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga,
  • Super Mario Sunshine,
  • Dishonored,
  • Spelunky (HD),
  • Super Mario Galaxy,
  • Super Monkey Ball, and
  • Kirby: Canvas Curse.

This is a fair list, but I can’t watch most of these because they’ll either be run in the middle of the night, in the morning or around noon, all times upon which I’ll be busy. Missing out on stuff that doesn’t suck is my favorite pastime!

It’s time: YouTube notifications

I have held back on this for while, but I have to ask: What the fuck happened to the YouTube notification system?

For those not in the know: If you have a YouTube account and actually use said YouTube account, whenever you get a reply on one of your comments or somebody you have subscribed to, and for whom you have activated upload notifications, uploads, you get a notification. It’s like a Facebook (*shiver*) notification, really.

It used to be that these notifications would work in a modular way such that one could just click on the notification bell next to the channel icon in the upper right corner of the web page and select a notification. The notification would then expand dong and allow you to read whatever kind of notification it was. Well, guess what? It doesn’t fucking work like that anymore!

For the entirety of 2017, I have completely avoided the notification system completely, because it now does not allow you to read what the notification is about without having to either leave the current page completely or open up a new tab using the middle mouse button! So, if you have a reply on a comment, the notification tab does not actually tell you that it is a reply to one of your comments on a given video at a given time anymore! It’s just an image of whatever avatar the user in question has and a timestamp, along with a video thumbnail. No context, no username, no indication of the notification’s type whatsoever.

What a fucking joke.

P.S.: Okay, I found a way to discern whether a notification is an upload or a reply to one of your comments: You click the vertical ellipsis in the upper right corner of the notification to expand dong the extra options menu. You will then indirectly be told what kind of notification it is. If the menu says a) “Mute [USERNAME]” followed by “Turn off reply updates”, then it is a reply to one of your comments, and if the menu says b) “Turn off notifications for: [USERNAME]”, then it is an upload from one of the channels, notifications for which you have turned on (wow pretentious English).

P.P.S.: This was actually written on the 8th of August, but for some reason, WordPress decided not to publish it. That’s good. Now YouTube has changed their layout once again, and I have mixed feelings about it. I probably won’t write any more on this subject.


Fallout 4 is !great

I love this game. I decided to return to this game after half-a-year of not playing. I love how everything is so technically difficult. And, by “difficult”, I mean “retarded”.

Seriously, everything in this game is retarded. I say that going by the very definition of the word; the technology involved in this game’s engine is so outdated, it can’t even handle out-of-disk-space situations properly. I thought games had that these days, but no, we can’t have that because that would require actual work being put into the actual game engine instead of making a game world and scripts for the various quests which I frankly don’t give a single shit about.

Essentially, I lost some time playing because I happened to run out of disk space while playing the game. The reason this happened is because I usually don’t take into consideration the fact that the game’s save location is, by default, forever in the “my documents” folder, which is fucking retarded. That’s on my SSD dedicated to my OS and core programs! Let me change the damn save location! Jesus! Honestly, it would take like 5 minutes of coding. It’s a string of characters! But no, we can’t have that, either, because that would require adding non-essential stuff not related to gameplay to the game, and that’s a waste of time, innit? It has to be another pain in the poophole added to the already exhaustive list of dogshit this game has to offer. 

Thankfully, I only lost about six real-time days of progress, because I did at least have the foresight to copy my save files over to a location on a disk which is not in any way going to run out of disk space any time soon before I started my new session. Well, actually, it’s more like five days, because this happened yesterday, but whatever.  And, by the way, that’s five days on which occurrences of gameplay have occurred, not five days of gameplay. That would be worse, because the save file has eight days of gameplay behind it in total, which, I admit, may not be all that much.

Regardless, I really hate how shit the game engine on which this game runs is. In conjunction with with terrible occlusion culling, sub-par pathfinding, ghouls spawning right in my face for no reason*, V.A.T.S. causing the game to freeze intermittently, enemies throwing grenades like they’re fucking supervillains or some shit, and an array of other issues, now including a lack of error messages when there is no disk space left to make the save actually, you know, SAVE, this makes actually playing the game an absolute pita at times.

Finally, I would just like to say to those who would probably go all “well, don’t put all your eggs in one basket and make some extra saves etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah”: I can’t. Why? Ask Bethesda. They’re the ones who made this arbitrary rule where I can’t make manual saves while playing survival mode, which denies the player control over the save function. To the dumbass developers who had the great idea of making survival mode but managed to fuck it up somehow: Good job! You sure did fuck that up good well good pulchritudinously! And, no, I’m not going to stop playing on survival mode, because I’ve spent my entire save game playing that mode, so it’s not like I’m just going to cop out like a dipshit because Todd Howard and his team troupe are being shitstains again.

You know, I might have to install a mod which allows me to mitigate this bullshit; at this point, it’s practically a necessity. Ooh, that’s another good point for future reference: If you’re going to make a game mode in which the player is no longer in control of the save files, make sure the fucking game works sufficiently well enough to warrant it in the first place. Okay? Thanks.

* This happened during my second run-through of Dun-whatever Borers or whatever the fuck it’s called. It was past the door with the flashback in the first run-through. Creepy shit, but that fucked up too, because I think I managed to break that as well. Fucking hell. Everything in this game breaks! Even the deathclaw in Concord got stuck in the hole it’s supposed to crawl out of! What a joke.


Fix for TES V: Skyrim “Special Edition” not launching

Regarding my absolute meltdown last night due to “Fallout 4” being an absolute crashy mess in V.A.T.S. and the special edition of “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim” for whatever reason not launching, I seem to have found a fix. It’s the most stupid fix I have encountered yet.

See, whenever there are files missing or certain parts of a program are outdated, we tend to have certain… hrmmm… watchamacallits… oh yeah! ERROR MESSAGES in place! You know, those traumatizing yet helpful messages that tell you what is wrong and thus may give some pointers as to how you may proceed to fix the problem? I’m not including those worthless “oh lol something went wrong for whatever reason you know we’re not going to tell you because our programmers are too fuckign lazy to doa nything right so where just going to ignore you bye”-messages here. Fuck those.

Anyway, I was browsing the Steams and decided to search for “won’t launch”, which didn’t bring up any results. Oh… right, people don’t know what “launch” means. So I tried “won’t start”, and I ended up finding this thread. Specifically, the final comment, which mentioned this video, contained the fix I was looking for.

“So then,” I hear you say. “What was it, then, that was your problem, you spastic turd?” I won’t sugarcoat it for you nor anybody else. My problem was that Windows, specifically the seventh version, for whatever reason was missing this update.

As for why it was missing, I have no idea. I have updates turned on — even non-essential ones, I’m fairly sure. How I have not gotten this update over the course of two fucking months is incomprehensible to me. I’m pretty sure my system updates at least once a month, so don’t come here and tell me I was missing some update because it decided to skip it. Fuck that. That is absolutely retarded, and Micro$oft should be ashamed of themselves.


Just got around to TESV: Skyrim SE…

… and it’s not launching. Isn’t that just special? A bunch of memory is allocated but the executable is probably in a corner jacking off for whatever reason. Good job. Really fucking special.

Edit01: Sure, don’t give me a fucking error message or anything. That would be useful.

Edit02: Here’s a shitty set of instructions:

  1. Right-click The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Special Edition in your Steam
  2. Library.Select Properties and then the Local Files tab.
  3. Click Browse Local Files.
  4. Locate the game executable (the application).
  5. Right-click it and go to Properties.
  6. Click the Compatibility tab.
  7. Check the Run this program as an administrator box and click Apply.


Does not work. Will not even respond. Is shitty game. Admin rights do jack shit when the executable has been compiled by a bunch of worthless fags being paid to make a pile of turd.

Edit03: Well, shit. Here I was just deciding to switch to Skyrim for once after Fallout 4 kept crashing randomly upon opening V.A.T.S. at least a trillion times a day. From one shitty game to another shitty game that won’t even launch. Fuck Bethesda. Honestly, why do I even bother? Guess I’m just suffering from masochistic tendencies.

Edit04: Let’s see… scratching restarting Steam off the list…

Edit05: May I just take some time to write that I would have fucking destroyed Bethesda had I not already owned the Legendary Edition (wow, editions editions editions fuck your editions bethesda you fat hacks)?


Edit07: Going to attempt the updating of drivers. Shall see what will be made after a while. I shall return once results have been fetched.

Edit08: Well, that didn’t work. That wasn’t easy. Even just installing Nvidia’s drivers is a pain in the ass because the installation wizard keeps failing for whatever reason so I have to enter safe mode in order that anything actually finish installing without giving a useless error telling me that the installation was unsuccessful and just leaving it at that. Fucking worthless software designers and programmers these days.

So, you know what? Fuck Skyrim. Fuck Bethesda and their faggy games. I have just about had it. I might return to Witcher 3 instead. At least the fucking game launches.


such grenade, much wow, very anger


Last night, I was playing Fallout 4 on survival mode and, after unloading a bunch of shit at Greygarden from wandering the Commonwealth and fixing what remained of Sunshine Co-op’s crops following the settlers’ complete inability at defending it from an attack, I set out towards Cambridge. On my way there, I heard the Mechanist’s robotic fuckbuddies playing his cute little piece-of-shit holotape. I figured there would be maybe four of them at most, seeing how my last encounters hadn’t really given me much trouble aside from a tankbot rekking my rectum there at one point. Anyway, I take it slowly and hide down by the riverbank behind the trees. That should be enough cover, right? Well, yeah, but I then realize there were more than four robots there. I’d say there were more like eight. Obviously, I get shot to bits. Well, my legs got severed at any rate.

So, here we go again. I have to sate my thirst again. I set off towards Cambridge again. This time, the random robotic encounter turned into a random caravan encounter. The trader’s name was Smiling Billy or some shit. I don’t know; the stuff he sold was absolute trash. I ignore him, and follow the road down along the river, which I would guess is the Charles River, based on minimal Googling. I notice there is a raider settlement at the end of the road and decide to raid it. Well, I should have brought a sniper rifle, because that’s pretty much the only way to play this game without throwing a fit every two minutes. Here’s how it went down: I get a sneak attack critical in on a legendary raider there, which of course attracts every raider in the immediate vicinity. That’s not really a problem if they use their guns only, but, as can be deduced from the title, they had grenades, and they did indeed use said grenades. Well, they only used one.

Combat initiated, I use a tree as cover from a fair distance and don’t allow any of them to get too close. Codsworth and I both manage to take down a fair few of them and end up with one final raider. “I’ll just reload behind this here tree,” I think to myself. “We’ve pretty much annihilated these guys.” Well, yeah, but of course the little cunt had an ace up his sleeve. He chucked a grenade at me. By the time I notice the reddish grenade marker on the screen, it’s too late. Barely managing to turn around in time, I get blown to bits by the grenade.

Obviously, I’m getting pretty annoyed by now. After calming down and reading other people’s rage stories involving various grenade-related shenanigans, I somewhat cheer up and head back towards the raider cunts’ base.

Prepared for a shitstorm, I notice a boat wreck just off the riverbank and decide that would be a good spot to hide. It’s a spot the raiders can’t reach and the distance between the raiders and us means I can just snipe them through the doorway or something. Well, I was being somewhat optimistic, because this is what happened:

omg fuck grenades in this game

So there I am, hiding inside the bridge or whatever smaller boats’ control room is called. The second I step out and peek past the doorframe, a raider prepares a grenade, chucks it halfway across the fucking river and lands it right through the doorway. At this point, I might as well throw my hands in the air, because most of the grenade’s fuse has burnt out by the time it lands inside the fucking boat. So yeah, I die. Mind you, the raiders didn’t even know where I was – my detect-o-meter read [       CAUTION        ]. It took the bastards less than one second to notice where I was, pull the pin on the grenade and land it perfectly through the doorway. As for my reaction: res ipsa loquitur.

As for what happened afterwards: I once again head down there. I encounter yet another robotic invasion, but manage to kill them off this time. Interestingly, a Dust Devil also showed up ahead of me, and the robots approached me from behind – they essentially pulled a pincer maneuver on me. Hiding by the river bank, I survive for once. Following this, I run down Riverside Road (patent pending) once fucking again. This time, I utilize a hit-and-run tactic, kiting the raiders out in the open in what would probably by most be called a cowardly manner, but it’s the only way to fight in this fucking game without dying a billion times and amassing hours upon hours of wasted time going back to where one died only to die again then rinse and repeat, sanity decreasing every time.

tl;dr: i died many times then just utlize a hit-and-run tactic to kill the raider cunts because its the only way to fight this game in yes.