MY HOMEPAGE! NOOOOO!!!!!!1111

FUCK! What happened to my homepage? Lately it’s been nothing but a few videos floating in an ocean of shitty DangerDolan, listXX/topXXs* and whatever other cashgrabs. I have had my share of these videos, but they still show up. Fuck ’em.

YouTube - Google Chrome_2015-08-17_21-19-59_fuckyou

On the other hand, there have been no recommendations of PewDiePie, UberHaxorNova, TobyGames, Markiplier or any of the other one thousand intolerable, despicable and outright vile rip-offs that thought ripping of the aforementioned four was a good idea.

* replace “XX” with arbitrary number

UPDATE 18th August, 2015 at 11:53 PM (GMT+1)

I have an idea as to why this might be happening: Perhaps YouTube understands how innately attictive these videos tend to be. Look at Alltime10s, for example. I remember often sitting around watching their videos and not doing anything else even though I knew I should be getting of my ass or playing a video game or do something other than just watch these stupid videos the whole night.

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Old advertisement

Here is an old advertisement I wrote on my old Tumblr blog on the 2nd of July, 2015 at 04:26 PM. It’s nothing special aside from the fact I really haven’t been keeping my promise on many of the points I made, nor did anybody really give a flying fuck about my blog. That’s not to say anybody actually reads my blog these days, either, but at least I get some views. I’m going to assume that means my posts are being read. I hope. They probably aren’t. Yeah, no, they aren’t. They most definitely aren’t.

[beat]

Anyway, Tumblr advertisement!


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Old Terraria rant

Here’s a funny little rant I wrote on the 4th of July, 2012 at 11:09 PM (GMT+1) back when I was a little brat who decided to start a Tumblr. It concerns various issues I had with Terraria, which I honestly don’t know much about these days aside from the fact it’s still called Terraria, something I can’t quite say about Logitech – but I digress; on with the rant.


Terraria sucks big donkey dick!

This game is fucking shit, and I am going to list a bunch of reasons as to why this game sucks BIG, DONKEY, DICK!

  1. First of all, the game is too fucking small. The character is tiny, the blocks you mine are tiny, and everything else is too fucking fast! Those fucking “Eaters of Soul” are fast as fuck, and you better fucking hope those fucking bastards don’t let their zone spawn near your spawn!
  2. The enemies are overpowered in the beginning. It’s impossible to beat even a blue slime with the shitty sword you start off with, because that fucking retard of a child can’t SWING his sword at the enemy. Instead, IT fucking stabs the enemy with a tiny movement not even worthy of being called a “stab.”
  3. The game is too slow. You have absolutely no other choice but to wait the first nights out, and they are at least 15 minutes long. Who the fuck wants to sit around beating the living “braaaaaainnnnzzz” out of zombies all the fucking time? They drop gold, and what fucking use does that have in this game, anyway? These fucking random people that come up to you when you have built a house, and then they steal it, and finally, they say “Hey, what do you want to buy?” What kind of fucking bullshit is that? It’s, like, in the middle of NOWHERE we’re trading, and he wants money? What good does that do out here?!?!?!?!?
  4. The game has no tutorial. This is good in certain games, but this game is one of those games that need one. Seriously, there isn’t even an instruction manual. Instead, you have to go look for information on the internet, when, in reality, you should be able to just look it up in a manual (.pdf file, for instance) , or by putting a tutorial in the game. But no! You get that fucking bastart motherfucker with a random name that spawns with you for no apparent reason! He steals your home, too! So, now you have to make TWO fucking houses, just because that fucking idiot stole your house, and took the potential trader’s spot. Fuck him. Remove him. I wish those “Eaters of Souls” rip his dick and balls off and shove them down his throat!
  5. The nights are too long. I stated this before, and I will state it again: THE FUCKING NIGHTS ARE TOO FUCKING LONG! Seriously, there is nothing to do when it’s nighttime! You can’t see shit, and the torches are U-S-E-L-E-S-S-! Not to mention these fucking enemies, but that’s not the point.
  6. The worlds suck. Yes, the worlds suck. There is nothing interesting about them. It’s just a bunch of poorly generated “caves” and “tunnels”, with a bunch of vines everywhere. Seriously, is this in a jungle? No! It’s a forest, wood, or whatever! It’s not a jungle, whatever it is!
  7. The game costs money. It shouldn’t. It should’ve been free. Why? Because the game is fucking shit, that’s why! So, ye’ knoe whot? I be not paein’ fo’ tha’ game!
  8. The game is never updated. Seriously. It never gets updates. It’s updated, like, every four months. I’m not even kidding. If the game is so good, then what the fuck made the developers so retarded, they don’t put out updates more often? A good game gets updated often. This game doesn’t get updates very often, hence it sucks, and vice-fuckin’-versa!
  9. It’s a dissappointing game. It doesn’t live up to what people say about it. I’ve seen people with max health and mana, all those fancy weapons and spells, and awesome structures. However, this doesn’t fucking mean the game doesn’t suck cock. No. The game DOES INDEED suck cock, and I will stand by that fact as long as this game is still on the fucking internet!

Dear diary, November is an asshole… And Civilization V, too!

… it’s always cold and stuff,
and I never understood it as a whole
why life’s gotta be so tough… 
 

Yeah, that was great. I’d make for a great poet, except I wouldn’t. Anyway, here’s for another post on this pointless blog which nobody ever follows, followed nor will follow, and also not the verb “follow” in a grammatical tense unknown to humankind. I am therefore obligated to post this post for no reason other than for my own personal achievement, which is nothing short of “posting lots of posts”.

Lately, I’ve been uploading videos again. It’s weird. Really, it is! ‘cuz you know what? They’re the first videos in a month-and-a-half or so. That’s why it feels so awkward, just like the word “awkward”. The game I’m playing is Civilization V: Gods and Kings. Yup. That game everybody plays nowadays… wait, that’s GTA V. Whoops. LOL, I confuse the two, except I’m just trying really hard to be funny… haha. Anyway, Civilization V. Or Civilization 5. Or Civ 5. Or Civ V. Or CiV… Or C5….. or CV…. Curriculum Vitae 5… Yeah… The game is okay, I guess. It has lots of potential, and I suppose it’dn’t be a stretch to call it a good game, although I get a twinge in my heart every time I say that. However, that’s not to say it’s perfect. In fact, I say there are a fuck-ton of seriously annoying tidbits in it that PISS ME OFF. “Piss me off” being an overstatement, because it doesn’t really affect me that badly, but it is stupidly unnecessary.

So, without further ado, let’s make a rant post about…

CIVILIZATION V: GODS & KINGS

ISSUE #1: MAINTENANCE

It’s a minor complaint for something that does indeed exist in the real world, but hear me out. I spent an entire two hours reading through and thinking about a certain rant post about Civilization V. If you have limited available bandwidth or something, don’t click the link, because it’s a really, really long post. I’m posting about this because I find it overly difficult to even play on “Prince” difficulty, which is this game’s way of saying “normal” difficulty. I recently started playing a game at Prince difficulty, and I just quit after half-an-hour of playing it. The reason? I didn’t die. I didn’t have problems with the enemy. I didn’t have any problems with the wonders or construction of buildings. No, it’s something I like to call a “two-headed troll”, or, in this case, “two sides of the same coin”. Quite literally so, actually. While it’s good that the game retains some of the realism, it’s not cool when the game deliberately punishes you for trying to play strategically. I mean, who the fuck thought paying a whole God damn coin per road hex? It’s a fucking road, and I can hardly believe it costs more to maintain roads than schools, libraries and universities, if I believe any of it at all! So, I made the road half-way, and thought “Well, okay. Maybe if I finish it, the trade route bonus will be higher than the cost-per-turn of the whole road?” That didn’t happen. In fact, I was at -11 gold per turn after 30 minutes. I might just suck, but that doesn’t make any sense, because I have easily been at 100 gold per turn just one notch down the difficulty scale, and I have definitely not come anywhere close to -11 gold per turn! Either I’m being really unlucky, but the cost of many buildings and THE FUCKING ROADS are ridiculous. The roads maintenance cost the game would be much better without. If anything, make it something like one gold per FIVE FUCKING ROAD HEXES.

ISSUE #2: RETARDED A.I.

RGG: Hey, look! I’m at war! Maybe I’ll finally get to see some good ol’ war action in this game.

Harald: LOL ya lets kil deze gais!11!!1!1one!!!111!!eleven!!!!!11!!11!2

Dido: nooo u cnat dues dis gaez im a grill adn stuph adn i has titz adn stuhf adn stoophf

RGG: Tough luck, bitch. You’re going down! Me and Harald here are…

Harald: lol no r u fukign hai??+!?+1+ sche ses sche has t1its no+0b!1§!!”1! fukign hel im maekign a piss treetie w/hurr!1!!11!!21″!§!”1!!!!one

Dido: LOLOLOLOL rood gai ur so dum lets kik his as hrold

Harald: k- *deklaers wurr ohn rood gae adn denuncis hem 2 teh wurld*

RGG: … lolwut?

In short: THE FUCKING A.I. HATES YOU IN THIS GAME AND WANTS YOU DEAD AND IS DELIBERATELY MAKING YOUR GAMING EXPERIENCE IN THIS ACTUALLY TOTALLY NOT GAME REALLY BAD AND MAKES YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF UNTIL YOU TELL YOURSELF “NO! THIS ISN’T RIGHT! I MUST MAKE A RANT POST ON WORDPRESS!” AND THEN YOU MAKE THIS POST WHICH I TOTALLY AMN’T! 

This game bores me to no end with the “lol war” –> “lol no war lololo”-A.I.. I’M TRYING TO HAVE FUN HERE, GUYS! It’s bad enough that the maintenance is pissing me off, and now you guys do, too? What the fuck must a rude guy do around here to have a fun time in a strategy game for once? I swear, this game is the epiphany of horribly programmed A.I.. Guy who makes CiV A.I.. Hey, guy. Guy, you there? HEY GuY! GO MAKE A PHONE CALL TO CRYTEK OR SOMETHING! Okay, fine, Gooooooooogle! After using your search engine, apparently Crysis’ A.I. isn’t so good, either. Shut up. Just fix the A.I. Firaxis… FireAxis… Furraxxis… Yeah, THAT name.

ISSUE #3: THE GAME IS TOO REPETITIVE

RGG@0 turns: w00t nice resources! I’m going to have a good time with this map!

RGG@50 turns: Hah! I’m making some good cash here! Good thing I’m playing on easy difficulty!

RGG@200 turns: Hey, another empire! I’m so happy. I don’t like this tiny island I’m on, anymore.

RGG@500 turns: I shouldn’t have set it to marathon. I was hoping for war, but this retarded A.I. makes me go solo and thus everybody hates ONLY ME to no end!

RGG@1000 turns: Seriously, what the fuck? This is just the same shit over and over and over and over again! Better start a new game on marathon or epic!

As you can see, the only legitimately “fun” part is when I’m first starting a new game and up until I’ve reached something like 200 turns. After that, the game just goes downhill with boring peace requests and trades and TOO MUCH MONEY BECAUSE ONCE I START ON PRINCE DIFFICULTY I CAN’T EVEN GAIN MONEY BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING ROADS AND THERE’S NO FUCKING MIDDLE-GROUND-DIFFICULTY!

ISSUE #4: EXPANSION PACKS

… €30 for a few extra empires and some new features? What? Why wasn’t “Brave New World” included in the “Golden Edition” or whatever? Oh, I get it! Your game sucks so horribly, Fireaxis, that you can only earn money on other people’s hopes on getting a supergood hotfix for the stupid shit in the last overpriced expansion that still sucked! You’re leeching money off of people’s hopes that this game will one day not suck giant, 120-inch blue whale dicks! Again, it’s not that bad, but for fuck’s sake, stop leeching money like this! Note that I have only glanced over the expansion pack, and I’m really disappointed about the price-to-content ratio there, but even if it was good, that doesn’t mean I’m not pissed that I didn’t get it in the golden edition. It’s not worth 30 fucking euros.

 

There are probably more issues that piss me off, but right now, I’m good. Don’t buy this game if you’re expecting replay-value. Just don’t.

Obligatory Monthly Blog Post

As many of you – or, more correctly put, a grand total of zero people – have probably noticed, there haven’t been any video uploads nor blog posts during this year’s October month. While I would like to make more videos, I simply cannot find the right game and the right time for recording; thus we are left with a giant gap in uploads. Games I have thought about doing, though obviously not actually recorded, are:

  • The Stanley Parable
  • Puddle
  • Red Faction: Guerrilla
  • Trine
  • Trine 2

There’s also “Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs”, which I quite clearly expressed I wanted to play so badly, but I haven’t touched it since the day after it came out for reasons I shouldn’t have to explain. Okay, yeah, there are only two reasons. Right… I’m too scared , and I’m not feeling like recording. Yup. Mhm. That’s it. Yeah.

 

Sooooo….. Seeing as I’ve missed quite a few Saturday shout-outs because I’m a lazy piece of shit, I will be writing three of them today or tomorrow. You know, in case I can’t find the right guys. They’ll be out on Saturday.