No credit for Reddit

Seriously, Reddit. Why the fuck are your servers down all the time? It’s been down two out of the three times I’ve visited it this week. While it’s not a major issue in the grand scheme of things, it sure as fuck pisses me off when the servers are down while I search something on Google and find an interesting result linking to Reddit. I click the link. Guess what?

redditGetYourShitTogetherYourServersSuckAssballsFuck you and your fucking servers, Reddit. I guess this is why everybody sells their shit to Google; at least stuff owned by Google is STABLE and FUCKING WORKS! Well, it does for me, anyway.

Also, why the fuck is Reddit written with a miniscule “r”? Is it supposed to be like an inverse Roman script or something? Perhaps it just reflects how most many people on the internet just don’t give a flying fuck about capitalization, grammar or punctuation? It’s funny because reddit Reddit has a reputation of consisting mostly of self-proclaimed know-it-all turds who think they own the place or some shit. I don’t know if that’s true; I just heard it from Corpsealot. Blame it on him.

Oh, and while I’m in rant mode: WHY DOES EVERY FUCKING COMPUTER FAN I BUY DIE SO FUCKING FAST? They keep turning into rattle snakes*! “Ptsptsptsptspts!” Are they all just gluttonous and eat a little more than they should of that electricity stuff everybody keeps talking about? Or maybe the fans just suck balls? Perhaps my motherboard is dying? I don’t know! I’ll just keep beating the shit out of that fan to shut it up until it completely stops working! Somebody fucking invent a superconductor that negates the need for cooling! I keep hearing this bullshit about technology advancing at a record-high pace.

WELL, GO MAKE MOAR TECHNOLOGIES, ALREADY! Bastards.

* Oh, wait. It’s usually spelled “rattlesnakes”. I forgot how much dick English spelling sucks. So, it’s “rattlesnake” but “car door”. Go fuck yourself, English. What’s “rattlesnake” in German? “Klapperschlange”! What’s car door in German? “Autotür” or “Wagentür”! German is consistent, English is not! Fuck English!

/end_rant

The Discombobulation of an Idiotic Community

Remember how people were so excited about “Grand Theft Auto V” and how they bought it to the top of Steam’s best-seller games list? Well, guess what? The game is unstable as fuck for many people, and they are acting as though it’s a fucking surprise. You know what Rockstar has a tendency to do? They have a tendency to fail making stable Grand Theft Auto PC ports. Did it ever cross your naïve fucking minds that this could possibly happen with this game? And don’t come with your bullshit excuse “oh, well they have been bugfixing the game for months now fucking faggot homo faggot fag!!!!!!1” Yeah, so they said. Did they ever tell you how many bugs they fixed? Did they tell you just how stable it was? Apparently, they mentioned something about the game being able to run on most computers with ≥ minimum specifications. I haven’t really given a flying fuck because I’m still not planning on buying the game for the ridiculous price it’s at right now.

Oh, and while we’re on the topic of price: FUCK YOU STEAM, AND FUCK YOUR LOCALIZED CURRENCY BULLSHIT! Ever since I’ve had to pay with Norwegian currency, games have now become more expensive, giving me even less of an incentive to buy games without discounts, let alone apparently fucking broken pieces of shit from Rockstar at launch!

Let’s take a look at some of people’s reviews.

aLaptopAreYouFuckingSeriousGetADesktopMoron

“This guy apparently runs the game just fine. I guess he’s one of the lucky ones to have a computer that runs the game fine,” Captain Obvious said. “It’s just a shame his username is absolutely fucking retarded. He’s also playing on a laptop; who the fuck plays games on a laptop, and why do they do it? Can anyone explain this?”

And, yes, the “review”, which is totally an actual review, is not helpful at all. That’s because it says nothing about the fucking game but certainly mentions technical meta stuff.

IAmGladYouTookYourTimeToWriteAnInsightfulReviewMrWonderland

First of all, this isn’t even a fucking review, Mr. Wonderland. This is a fucking waste of space on Steam’s servers. Second of all, why the fuck do 72 % of all raters find this review helpful? Are 72 % of all people rating this extreme dyslexics that fail to conceive that it says “helpful” and not “funny”? Or perhaps they do not understand the difference between helpful and absolutely fucking retarded? In any case, this “review” is not a fucking review, Mr. Wonderland. Get that through thy thick skull, thou dumb twat.

betterWatchYourFuckingMouthThereAqu4botzTheConsoleGuysMayNotLikeThisStatement

Pre-ordering “Grand Theft Auto V” was this year’s best decision in what way? Perhaps you have never heard of discounts? I’m pretty sure those definitely come around summertime and Christmas on ye olde Steam website. Let me also remind you that pre-ordering a game is absolutely fucking retarded no matter how much you want it or how good the deal may seem. It is essentially comparable to the degree of idiocy shown by the morons who keep buying alpha and pre-alpha releases that never actually get finished and/or suck sweaty donkey balls. An example of this is the dull, buggy mess of DayZ, which is one of the saddest attempts at a moneygrab I have ever seen by a triple-A developer. Yet people still bought and still buy the crap.

IAmSickOfTheseFlamboyantPCGamers

There is something wrong with the Steam reviews. That something is the fact that most of them aren’t even fucking reviews. Most of them are actually just a bunch of comments regarding either console gamers, women or a random glitch in the game and throwing in a shitty, outdated meme just for good measure. There is little point in having a review feature if everybody uses it as a fucking forum, anyway! Jesus Christ, it’s almost turning into fucking Facebook for gamers!

ratedUpForEnlightenment

You paid 60 dollars for a game that should be brilliant? What? Are you high? We’re talking about Rockstar and their games’ perennial fucking problems that keep appearing in every game, here. Maybe if you weren’t a complete idiot and didn’t pre-order an overpriced game that’s a year-and-a-fucking-half old I wouldn’t be ranting. Give me a fucking break.

keyPointsArePointsTwoAndThree

Holy shit, could one be so gullible and absolutely moronic throughout that one would not only pre-order a PC port from Rockstar and expect a good time and posting about it on Steam without feeling remorse or regret? Point no. 2 is the point at which everything started going downhill. I have said it a septuagintisescentillion times that one should never pre-order a game. FUCKING NEVER!

Alright, I think that’s enough for one night. Perhaps I’ll come back to this later, or (most likely) I will not. I end this blog post with three more negative “reviews” without comments. I am not proud of them.

I have to admit…

[WARNING: This post contains nothing but stupid ranting and random images. Proceed with caution or GTFO.]

You can’t be serious, right? Grand Theft Auto V, which I’m assuming has been on the list of most anticipated games of 2015 for many, is now ranked #1 as Steam’s best-selling game at the moment.

rockstarGTATogetherWithManyOtherRetardedGames

It’s probably been there for a while, actually. I don’t know; I don’t check Steam enough. Oh, and what’s more: Countershit is in second place. Will that piece of shit ever stop selling? It’s like a golden turd people keep buying because they… I don’t even know. The game sucks, is all I know. 


Out of the people who buy the game, I don’t know how many actually look at the price tag for the game:

rockstarGTAScamSteam

For those of you that don’t know Norwegian currency that good well, here’s the price in American dollars:

rockstarGTAScamGoogleCalculatified

This game is a year-and-a-half old and you’re telling me people are buying it to the top of Steam at this price? Is a game really worth that much money? I know it isn’t to me. I guess I’m not to judge people. That’s what everybody says, right? “Don’t judge people; you’re just a faggot if you do!” They say. I’m going to cross that fucking line and go ahead and judge people right now. What in the flying fuck makes people buy this game at such a ridiculous price? JUDGE. Why don’t they wait for a sale? JUDGE. I wonder how many of those people already own it on a fucking console. JUDGE. By the way, I’m skipping this console generation. There’s almost no reason to buy a PlayStation 3 nor an XBox One.

tangoTangereTexiTectum

AND WHY IS IT CALLED XBOX 1 MICROSFOT?!?! WHOSE THE FUCK BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THAT MICROSFOT? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED OR SOMETHING? DO YOU KNOW WHAT ONE IS? ONE IS THE FIRST WHOLE POSITIVE NUMBER AFTER ZERO YOU FUCKS! THE XBOX 360 WAS TECHNICALLY THE SECOND XBOX (THAT’S “TWO” TO YOU, MICROSHIT), AND THE XBOX ONE IS THE THIRD. HOW DID YOU MAKE ONE BECOME THREE? HOW DID YOU MAKE THREE BECOME ONE? IS HALF-LIFE 3 CONFIRMED? IS HALF-LIFE 3 ACTUALLY JUST HALF-LIFE 1? ARE WE ACTUALLY WAITING FOR HALF-LIFE 1 TO COME OUT? DOES VALVE COUNT THE SAME WAY? WHAT’S THE NEXT XBOX GOING TO BE CALLED? XBOX ZERO? I SURE AS FUCK HOPE THERE’S NO “NEXT” XBOX; THE NAME “XBOX ZERO” WOULD CERTAINLY FIT, THEN!

Anyway, tangent over. It’s hard not to bring in other stupid topics when people are being stupid. I’m just disappointed people are buying into this. Do people not have time to wait for a sale or the price to be lowered? I don’t even know. Fuck’s sake, everything sucks on the store page. Even the description is terrible:

rockstarGTALazinessDescription

Wow, amazing. I have to ask, though: Will the game actually be able to run at 60 FPS the same way the trailer apparently does? I mean, I don’t give a flying vaginafuck if the game is 60 FPS or not, because I’m not buying it anytime soon, and my monitor apparently doesn’t give a shit whether the game is running at 30 FPS, 60 FPS or any other frequency (or framerate or whatever the fuck you want to call it). I fucking hate when people bitch about this:

“omg my game isn’t fucking 60+ FPS! this game unoptimised! fukc this gam!”

Seriously, shut the fuck up. I have seen enough stupidity, such as this dumb “bonus” deal you get for pre-ordering the game like the fucking lemming you are:

rockstarGTASuperUltraHyperOmegaHeavyMetalPreorderBonusDeal

Wow, I’m glad that bonus was there to make all the money spent on the game worth it!

Hooray for posts haphazardly thrown together! As a final “bonus”, in case they decide to update them because people bitch about them lying, here are the original specs listed for the game:

rockstarGTARequirementsCollage

What the fuck just happened? #ihatehashtagsbutifeltlikethrowingthisintosayimightbegettingold

Usually, I don’t post dumb shit like this. (I post dumb shit of a different category.) However, I am curious about what the hell just happened to my right middle finger’s joint. A few minutes ago, whenever I would stretch my right middle finger, it would hurt like shit in the middle joint. Now it’s just fine again. I’m probably just getting old and worn. Seriously, though, what the hell?

IN OTHER NEWS: 

Mount and Blade: Warband has been pissing me off less. Hooray. There’s still some bullshit going on, but it’s less of an annoyance these days.

Wait. Didn’t I say I wouldn’t use profanity in the titles? Oh well. I’ll let this one slide.