Remember how people were so excited about “Grand Theft Auto V” and how they bought it to the top of Steam’s best-seller games list? Well, guess what? The game is unstable as fuck for many people, and they are acting as though it’s a fucking surprise. You know what Rockstar has a tendency to do? They have a tendency to fail making stable Grand Theft Auto PC ports. Did it ever cross your naïve fucking minds that this could possibly happen with this game? And don’t come with your bullshit excuse “oh, well they have been bugfixing the game for months now fucking faggot homo faggot fag!!!!!!1” Yeah, so they said. Did they ever tell you how many bugs they fixed? Did they tell you just how stable it was? Apparently, they mentioned something about the game being able to run on most computers with ≥ minimum specifications. I haven’t really given a flying fuck because I’m still not planning on buying the game for the ridiculous price it’s at right now.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of price: FUCK YOU STEAM, AND FUCK YOUR LOCALIZED CURRENCY BULLSHIT! Ever since I’ve had to pay with Norwegian currency, games have now become more expensive, giving me even less of an incentive to buy games without discounts, let alone apparently fucking broken pieces of shit from Rockstar at launch!
Let’s take a look at some of people’s reviews.
“This guy apparently runs the game just fine. I guess he’s one of the lucky ones to have a computer that runs the game fine,” Captain Obvious said. “It’s just a shame his username is absolutely fucking retarded. He’s also playing on a laptop; who the fuck plays games on a laptop, and why do they do it? Can anyone explain this?”
And, yes, the “review”, which is totally an actual review, is not helpful at all. That’s because it says nothing about the fucking game but certainly mentions technical meta stuff.
First of all, this isn’t even a fucking review, Mr. Wonderland. This is a fucking waste of space on Steam’s servers. Second of all, why the fuck do 72 % of all raters find this review helpful? Are 72 % of all people rating this extreme dyslexics that fail to conceive that it says “helpful” and not “funny”? Or perhaps they do not understand the difference between helpful and absolutely fucking retarded? In any case, this “review” is not a fucking review, Mr. Wonderland. Get that through thy thick skull, thou dumb twat.
Pre-ordering “Grand Theft Auto V” was this year’s best decision in what way? Perhaps you have never heard of discounts? I’m pretty sure those definitely come around summertime and Christmas on ye olde Steam website. Let me also remind you that pre-ordering a game is absolutely fucking retarded no matter how much you want it or how good the deal may seem. It is essentially comparable to the degree of idiocy shown by the morons who keep buying alpha and pre-alpha releases that never actually get finished and/or suck sweaty donkey balls. An example of this is the dull, buggy mess of DayZ, which is one of the saddest attempts at a moneygrab I have ever seen by a triple-A developer. Yet people still bought and still buy the crap.
There is something wrong with the Steam reviews. That something is the fact that most of them aren’t even fucking reviews. Most of them are actually just a bunch of comments regarding either console gamers, women or a random glitch in the game and throwing in a shitty, outdated meme just for good measure. There is little point in having a review feature if everybody uses it as a fucking forum, anyway! Jesus Christ, it’s almost turning into fucking Facebook for gamers!
You paid 60 dollars for a game that should be brilliant? What? Are you high? We’re talking about Rockstar and their games’ perennial fucking problems that keep appearing in every game, here. Maybe if you weren’t a complete idiot and didn’t pre-order an overpriced game that’s a year-and-a-fucking-half old I wouldn’t be ranting. Give me a fucking break.
Holy shit, could one be so gullible and absolutely moronic throughout that one would not only pre-order a PC port from Rockstar and expect a good time and posting about it on Steam without feeling remorse or regret? Point no. 2 is the point at which everything started going downhill. I have said it a septuagintisescentillion times that one should never pre-order a game. FUCKING NEVER!
Alright, I think that’s enough for one night. Perhaps I’ll come back to this later, or (most likely) I will not. I end this blog post with three more negative “reviews” without comments. I am not proud of them.