Back to Dwarf Fortress

Not having written a blog post in ages, I have nothing else to write but “I have gotten back into Dwarf Fortress.” Quite frankly, it’s becoming an annoyance more than anything else, but it’s not like there are any other games worth playing these days.

There’s not much to say about my getting back into the “game”, which, let’s be honest, is not a fucking game. You can say what you want, but the point remains that it’s not a game. Fuck that. Anyway, instead of dicking around about in adventurer mode, or adventure mode or whatever the fuck it is, I have begun working on fortress mode. It was a bit to take in right as I was learning the ropes, but a few days of practice got me over the worst of it. The hardest part is the user interface and how it all connects the dots of the gameplay, not to mention the godawful fucking ASCII graphics. I seriously fucking hate ASCII. Add to that the fact that the vanilla graphics aren’t square by default. Seriously, the default interface looks like toadshit, which is actually what this game is.

Continuing with the complaining, I will state that this game’s development cycle is complete dogshit. Look, I understand Toady’s got a serious history fetish or whatever, but the thing is that the game part of it is absolutely abysmal in its current state. Well, not abysmal, but it certainly has some stains of donkey feces here and there.

Okay, so why am I writing this blog post if all I’m going to do is complain? Well, first of all, I am annoyed by the fact that stupid shit which shouldn’t be a problem keeps turning into a problem. For instance, take a look at this fucking image:


So what’s going on in there? Well, nothing, actually. It’s just a human and an elf in each their cages not being let out of their cages because… “Wrong justice state.” What? What the fuck is “wrong justice state” supposed to mean? Who is in a wrong justice state? The releaser or the releasee? What am I supposed to take from this? How am I supposed to solve an issue without specificially being given extra information from which I would be able to work? Did you dump this in the error log? No! All you do is spam “Urist McFucktard cancels Release Human McDumbass” or “Urist McCockblock cancels Release Elf McTreehugger”. “Wrong justice state” my fucking ass; this is just a pile of shitty coding. There’s the real problem! And it’s not like it was my fault these cockmonglers ended up in these cages to begin with, for, you see, they were automatically assigned cage inspection duty upon my refusing to make more gauntlets or whatever the fuck the retard mayor shitstain wanted made. Why did you imprison visitors, you stupid twat? That’s probably the root of the problem.

You see, petty shit like this annoys me. It’s not even that big of a deal, but when there’s a lot of feces-producing bedbugs scattered all over a software, the stack of excrement grows into something larger and despicably more noticeable. It becomes a lump of fecal slag now visibly brown and stenchy. As for other minor issues, there’s also the spamming of hunters not finding a fucking path to their prey. Yeah, I get it. You can’t find a path to your prey. Swallow a demon schlong and do something useful until said prey becomes available or find another prey. Or just kill yourself, you useless cunt. Just stop spamming my fucking announcements menu!

It’s not like I want to hate this game- there I go again, calling this a case game. Wow, I cannot spell type today. I also cannot find the right words to use. But yeah, it’s an interesting piece of software with which I can sit by the computer for hours on end watching it slog on as the frames slowly but surely drop, eventually reaching what most autists playing this game call “FPS death” or whatever the hell. Again, terrible programming, but whatever.

P.S.: Upon further pondering, I have decided to inform the more patient readers of the following: The message “Wrong justice state” et cetera only appears if I place the cage on the ground as a building. Otherwise, they stfu.