my compooper is dieing

Moments ago (read: four fucking hours ago), I was about to install “Witcher 3: Wild Hunt” on my D: drive. Steam was about to allocate space on the drive when it suddenly crashed and gave me a “something bootstrap something-something” error. I tried restarting Steam, but I got a message saying the path wasn’t found and that I should check if my drive was connected properly.

Apparently, the fucking drive had disappeared. I still had my C: drive and external F: drive as well as my two  flash drives, but the D: drive was gone. I looked it up on the intertubes and found that I should look in the BIOS to see if the drive was found. It wasn’t. I then opened the case to see if the drive was disconnected. It wasn’t. I fiddled a bit with the SATA cable anyway. This time, the drive was found.

That should be the end of my troubles, right? Wrong. Moments later, I look to see one of my fucking flash drives (a Transcend USB 2.0 8 GB whatever-model; serial number 636662 2464) suddenly missing its name (Transcend) along with a “FAT 32” subtitle in the “My Computer” window. Apparently, my flash drive had died in the time I was dealing with my recent predicament. Well, fuck.

I tried moving the stupid thing to my laptop to see if it could be read there. It couldn’t. I noticed the flash drive’s LED was glowing, much like how I would program my Arduino to fade LEDs back when I was actually doing something practical and experimenting on electronics instead of sitting on my fat fucking ass all day playing video games. Anyway, the flash drive had apparently gotten even more ill since I moved it, as it now gave me a message saying (in Norwegian): “Please insert disk into removable media,” or whatever.

“So, how do you fix this?” I hear you ask. Well, the answer is: “You don’t.” Instead, what you do it erase all the fucking data using the JetFlash Online Recovery tool by Transcend. This, in my mind, doesn’t qualify as “fixing” anything. Rather, this qualifies as brute-forcing the shit out of a problem that shouldn’t have existed to begin with. Seriously, what the fuck?

Screenshot_1_fourversionswhyareyousuchanassholetranscend

Why are there four versions?

 

So, I go on Transcend’s website and, not yet knowing of the “recovery tool’s” existence, search for a solution to the problem. I thought the LED indication would have been listed somewhere in the documentation of the flash drive, but no; Transcend is too fucking lazy to write proper manuals and documentations of their products, so there’s a dead end if ever I saw one. I did find the “recovery tool”, however. The problem was there were four versions to download. Plus, I had to disable UAC, which I previously hadn’t cared about, so I had to look that up as well.

I try every version until I decide none of them work and go looking on the intratubez once again to see if there are any other alternative solutions to this problem of mine. It turns out there aren’t, because everybody keeps mentioning this stupid program which doesn’t fucking work. This one video shows the program in action, but it’s of course an older version of the program, which makes the whole ordeal even worse because I don’t even know if my flash drive is  supported by the program nor if the servers for it are still up. That’s right: It’s a fucking “online recovery tool”.

I think the way the “recovery tool” works is it looks up the serial number of the flash drive and checks it with a database or something. That is unless they scrapped that and decided not to do that anymore, because I recall reading something about having to insert the ten-digit serial number in order for the piece of shit to even start the recovery process. Nevermind the fact that the serial number is tiny as fuck and prone to becoming even more illegible over time through wear and tear due to the fact that it’s printed onto the flash drive casing.

Screenshot_1_jetflashfrozen

This is taking far too long…

Back to the actual story: I finally fixed my problem. The problem I had was I didn’t realize how fucking long I had to wait just to start recovery of the flash drive. I thought the program was just sitting there doing nothing but freezing in its process of “Detecting disk and connecting to host …” It turns out that was just part of the process and that it really was supposed to take that long, which was really misleading.

Having waited for five minutes just connecting, I hesitated actually erasing all the content. I once again looked up alternative ways of going about this. It was just a waste of time, because I had to erase and format the drive no matter what I did. And so I ran the “recovery tool”. My flash drive was finally working again.

After “recovering” my flash drive, I tried running “Recuva” by Piriform and “Wondershare Data Recovery” by Wondershare. Nothing was found. A bittersweet end to a very short story. I guess it’s all gone. Oh well… There’s just one thing about this that I would like to comment on, though:

DON’T CALL IT A FUCKING RECOVERY TOOL IF IT RECOVERS JACK FUCKING SHIT! YOUR PROGRAM FORMATS THE DRIVE, TRANSCEND. IT DOESN’T RECOVER A SINGLE FUCKING BYTE! LEARN TO TELL RECOVERY FROM FORMATTING, YOU MONGOLOID FUCKS!


 

External links

Pages relevant to this blog post:

Pages I visited in my search for knowledge:

 

No, I’m not making this list more readable.

Best deal! Give us your monies!

How about “no”? Your garbage deal doesn’t benefit anybody but yourselves, you greedy, fat executive fucks. You’re apparently going to withdraw the opportunity for non-preorderers to play as “Chaos Warriors” in the upcoming “Total War: Warhammer”, aren’t you? I’m speaking to you, Sega, or whoeverthefuck is in charge of this bullshit. Not that you will read this, of course; this is simply my pathetic attempt at sounding even mildly rhetorically proficient to make the blog post, say, a tad more entertaining to read for the few folk actually reading this.

Right: moving away from a less repulsively pretentious style onto a colloquial one. Seriously, just don’t buy into this. Please. I’m not a fan of the Total War series – I mean, for fuck’s sake, I only own and have ever played Shogun 2 – but don’t sit there and believe for one second that I haven’t had enough lectures from various YouTubers and the like teaching me and others about the importance of stopping this absolute cancer on the gaming industry. We’ve got a load of games with DLC bullshit like this, and if we don’t stop it now, it’s only going to get worse. Do you really want another “Bullshit Blood Pack™”? How about another dozen of those? Per game. As in: you have to buy a blood pack for every race, unit or whatever.

Does it sound like a good idea to check out some of the links I have proveded thee below? It better.