In these final hours of 2016…

… I would just like to take some time off to write this post that I may wish you all a happy new year of 2017. Hopefully it will be as thrilling a year as 2016. And maybe I’ll stop being a lazy dickwad and actually write something of value instead of spewing my bullshit every waking second of the time spent writing a post.

Anyway, Happy New Year to all!

Disregard this post if it’s already 2017 where you live or if 2017 is already a worldwide phenomenon.

such grenade, much wow, very anger

STORY TIME!

Last night, I was playing Fallout 4 on survival mode and, after unloading a bunch of shit at Greygarden from wandering the Commonwealth and fixing what remained of Sunshine Co-op’s crops following the settlers’ complete inability at defending it from an attack, I set out towards Cambridge. On my way there, I heard the Mechanist’s robotic fuckbuddies playing his cute little piece-of-shit holotape. I figured there would be maybe four of them at most, seeing how my last encounters hadn’t really given me much trouble aside from a tankbot rekking my rectum there at one point. Anyway, I take it slowly and hide down by the riverbank behind the trees. That should be enough cover, right? Well, yeah, but I then realize there were more than four robots there. I’d say there were more like eight. Obviously, I get shot to bits. Well, my legs got severed at any rate.

So, here we go again. I have to sate my thirst again. I set off towards Cambridge again. This time, the random robotic encounter turned into a random caravan encounter. The trader’s name was Smilling Billy or some shit. I don’t know; the stuff he sold was absolute trash. I ignore him, and follow the road down along the river, which I would guess is the Charles River, based on minimal Googling. I notice there is a raider settlement at the end of the road and decide to raid it. Well, I should have brought a sniper rifle, because that’s pretty much the only way to play this game without throwing a fit every two minutes. Here’s how it went down: I get a sneak attack critical in on a legendary raider there, which of course attracts every raider in the immediate vicinity. That’s not really a problem if they use their guns only, but, as can be deduced from the title, they had grenades, and they did indeed use said grenades. Well, they only used one.

Combat initiated, I use a tree as cover from a fair distance and don’t allow any of them to get too close. Codsworth and I both manage to take down a fair few of them, and end up with one final raider. “I’ll just reload behind this here tree,” I think to myself. “We’ve pretty much annihilated these guys.” Well, yeah, but of course the little cunt had an ace up his sleeve. He chucked a grenade at me. By the time I notice the reddish grenade marker on the screen, it’s too late. Barely managing to turn around in time, I get blown to bits by the grenade.

Obviously, I’m getting pretty annoyed by now. After calming down and reading other people’s rage stories involving various grenade-related shenanigans, I somwhat cheer up and head back towards the raider cunts’ base.

Prepared for a shitstorm, I notice a boatwreck just off the riverbank and decide that would be a good spot to hide. It’s a spot the raiders can’t reach and the distance between the raiders and us means I can just snipe them through the doorway or something. Well, I was being somewhat optimistic, because this is what happened:

omg fuck grenades in this game

So there I am, hiding inside the bridge or whatever smaller boats’ control room is called. The second I step out and peek past the doorframe, a raider prepares a grenade, chucks it halfway across the fucking river and lands it right through the doorway. At this point, I might as well throw my hands in the air, because most of the grenade’s fuse has burnt out by the time it lands inside the fucking boat. So yeah, I die. Mind you, the raiders didn’t even know where I was – my detect-o-meter read [       CAUTION        ]. It took the bastards less than one second to notice where I was, pull the pin on the grenade and land it perfectly through the doorway. As for my reaction: res ipsa loquitur.

As for what happened afterwards: I once again head down there. I encounter yet another robotic invasion, but manage to kill them off this time. Interestingly, a Dust Devil also showed up ahead of me, and the robots approached me from behind – they essentially pulled a pincer maneuver on me. Hiding by the river bank, I survive for once. Following this, I run down Riverside Road (patent pending) once fucking again. This time, I utilize a hit-and-run tactic, kiting the raiders out in the open in what would probably by most be called a cowardly manner, but it’s the only way to fight in this fucking game without dying a billion times and amassing hours upon hours of wasted time going back to where one died only to die again then rinse and repeat, sanity decreasing every time.

tl;dr: i died many times then just utlize a hit-and-run tactic to kill the raider cunts because its the only way to fight this game in yes.

“No Man’s Buy”

Well, the game has pretty much been released as worldwide as it’s ever going to be, and I can pretty confidently say I’m not going to get it. Originally, I was pretty interested in how the game would turn out, but I lost interest over time as I pondered upon the potential deception Hello Games could have been presenting us with over the last few years, or, as is the case with me, the past three months.  Thus I eventually forgot about the game until the beginning of this here August month now soon halfway gone by, and it seems it wouldn’t have made much of a difference whether I had continued being renewedly oblivious to the game or, as is indeed the case now, recalled that the game was to be released this August; I know for a fact I am never going to buy it.

So far, I have witnessed a review average of 6/10. Sounds like an overpriced piece of shit, if you ask me. No wonder they kept hiding their little game behind scripted trailers and “gameplay footage” videos.

Once again, the scepticism of certain people have been at a worrying low, including mine. I was excited for WildStar. It sucked. I was excited for Guild Wars 2. It sucked. I wasn’t really excited for Fallout 4 because I had kind of forgotten how long it had been since the previous entry. It’s pretty good once you mod out the shitty conversational UI and possibly make some modifications to the shitty-ish survival mode (i.e. the all-or-nothing approach they did in making it). It would seem the moral of the story is something along the lines of: “Fuck the hype – enjoy what follows ignorance”… or some stupid shit like that.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll find me something else to play.

21 hours

21 hours. That’s all it took for me to grow sick and tired of Cities: Skylines. After spending too much time trying to figure out why the game kept crashing when I tried to save, I finally gave up on the game just now after building a dam which is currently not working. I was told it would produce some 1080 odd megawatts. Well, it ended up producing 16, six-fucking-teen, megawatts even though it’s tall as fuck and flooded half the upstream riverside neighborhood.

Don’t even get me started on the traffic bullshit. We’ve got garbage trucks not planning ahead, vehicles of all kinds jamming because the dumbfuck A.I. keeps forcing all cars that want to go straight into the same lane, which causes problems when there’s already a kilometer-long queue of shit and the vehicles are trying to squeeze into the queue instead of just switching lanes before reaching the absolute fuckfest of a mess.

I’ve got some screenshots of silly nonsense that I found extra dumb. I guess this is as good a time as any to upload them.

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What? How is the area already occupied? The highlighted road apparently already occupying the area is on the other side of the roundabout you stupid twat!

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What is this? Why would you even suggest such a stupid shape? The worst thing is one could probably get this to work somehow.

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I don’t think firetrucks are supposed to block both lanes like this. If this were a one-way road, it would be a fire hazard, although the firetrucks may not have blocked both lanes then… whatever. It’s still stupid.

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Let’s water the plants instead of fighting the fires! Great idea!

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Again! How is the area occupied by a piece of road on the other side of the planet?

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Oh yeah, here’s the dam that didn’t work. Notice the water level. It’s like twice as high as before the dam was built. You know, before the MASSIVE waste of time, energy and money? Also: 16 MW. Fucking atrocious.

I am sick of this game, and it only took 21 hours. After much ado with crashing and now the bullshit with the dam, I have run out of patience. The game isn’t even that good. It’s mediocre at best. It’s good for short hour-long bursts of gaming, but it’s an awful game for playing over longer periods of time. Stay away from this trash if you’re expecting long nights of enjoyable gameplay: you’ll most likely not be able to play it, anyway. Just go play Dwarf Fortress or Skyrim or something; really any game that’s not broken beyond belief.

And, no, I have no mods installed. They’re all disabled. It reduced the crashing by 5 % or something. Listen, @colossal_order, stop making #shittygames @idiots. Maybe you should #makebettergames and #stoprippingofftwitter. #downwithshit #fuckcitiesskylines #thisisparodyorwhateveridontcarestfu.

Cities: Shittier Programming

Nope. This game is still shit. Even without an ounce of modding, it still crashes retardedly often when I try to save. Not one game has done this before. This is by far some of the worst software I’ve seen that’s this close to AAA.

Seriously, a game like this without a functioning saving system is fucking trash. I’d avoid it for sanity’s sake.

Update: well, I think every city-building game I’ve tried seems to have this problem. Guess they’re all shit, too.