Fix for TES V: Skyrim “Special Edition” not launching

Regarding my absolute meltdown last night due to “Fallout 4” being an absolute crashy mess in V.A.T.S. and the special edition of “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim” for whatever reason not launching, I seem to have found a fix. It’s the most stupid fix I have encountered yet.

See, whenever there are files missing or certain parts of a program are outdated, we tend to have certain… hrmmm… watchamacallits… oh yeah! ERROR MESSAGES in place! You know, those traumatizing yet helpful messages that tell you what is wrong and thus may give some pointers as to how you may proceed to fix the problem? I’m not including those worthless “oh lol something went wrong for whatever reason you know we’re not going to tell you because our programmers are too fuckign lazy to doa nything right so where just going to ignore you bye”-messages here. Fuck those.

Anyway, I was browsing the Steams and decided to search for “won’t launch”, which didn’t bring up any results. Oh… right, people don’t know what “launch” means. So I tried “won’t start”, and I ended up finding this thread. Specifically, the final comment, which mentioned this video, contained the fix I was looking for.

“So then,” I hear you say. “What was it, then, that was your problem, you spastic turd?” I won’t sugarcoat it for you nor anybody else. My problem was that Windows, specifically the seventh version, for whatever reason was missing this update.

As for why it was missing, I have no idea. I have updates turned on — even non-essential ones, I’m fairly sure. How I have not gotten this update over the course of two fucking months is incomprehensible to me. I’m pretty sure my system updates at least once a month, so don’t come here and tell me I was missing some update because it decided to skip it. Fuck that. That is absolutely retarded, and Micro$oft should be ashamed of themselves.

Just got around to TESV: Skyrim SE…

… and it’s not launching. Isn’t that just special? A bunch of memory is allocated but the executable is probably in a corner jacking off for whatever reason. Good job. Really fucking special.

Edit01: Sure, don’t give me a fucking error message or anything. That would be useful.

Edit02: Here’s a shitty set of instructions:

  1. Right-click The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Special Edition in your Steam
  2. Library.Select Properties and then the Local Files tab.
  3. Click Browse Local Files.
  4. Locate the game executable (the application).
  5. Right-click it and go to Properties.
  6. Click the Compatibility tab.
  7. Check the Run this program as an administrator box and click Apply.

(Source)

Does not work. Will not even respond. Is shitty game. Admin rights do jack shit when the executable has been compiled by a bunch of worthless fags being paid to make a pile of turd.

Edit03: Well, shit. Here I was just deciding to switch to Skyrim for once after Fallout 4 kept crashing randomly upon opening V.A.T.S. at least a trillion times a day. From one shitty game to another shitty game that won’t even launch. Fuck Bethesda. Honestly, why do I even bother? Guess I’m just suffering from masochistic tendencies.

Edit04: Let’s see… scratching restarting Steam off the list…

Edit05: May I just take some time to write that I would have fucking destroyed Bethesda had I not already owned the Legendary Edition (wow, editions editions editions fuck your editions bethesda you fat hacks)?

Edit06: DO YOU REALIZE THIS SO-CALLED “SPECIAL EDITION HAS BEEN OUT FOR WELL OVER TWO MONTHS NOW? HAS THIS ISSUE ENCOUNTERED BY MANY ON RELEASE DAY NOT YET BEEN FIXED? IS IT HONESTLY THAT DIFFICULT TO GRASP? YOU GET PAID. CUSTOMERS RECEIVE FUNCTIONAL PRODUCT. FUCK THE FINE PRINT; FOCUS ON ETHICS, YOU TWATSCATS.

Edit07: Going to attempt the updating of drivers. Shall see what will be made after a while. I shall return once results have been fetched.

Edit08: Well, that didn’t work. That wasn’t easy. Even just installing Nvidia’s drivers is a pain in the ass because the installation wizard keeps failing for whatever reason so I have to enter safe mode in order that anything actually finish installing without giving a useless error telling me that the installation was unsuccessful and just leaving it at that. Fucking worthless software designers and programmers these days.

So, you know what? Fuck Skyrim. Fuck Bethesda and their faggy games. I have just about had it. I might return to Witcher 3 instead. At least the fucking game launches.

In these final hours of 2016…

… I would just like to take some time off to write this post that I may wish you all a happy new year of 2017. Hopefully it will be as thrilling a year as 2016. And maybe I’ll stop being a lazy dickwad and actually write something of value instead of spewing my bullshit every waking second of the time spent writing a post.

Anyway, Happy New Year to all!

Disregard this post if it’s already 2017 where you live or if 2017 is already a worldwide phenomenon.

such grenade, much wow, very anger

STORY TIME!

Last night, I was playing Fallout 4 on survival mode and, after unloading a bunch of shit at Greygarden from wandering the Commonwealth and fixing what remained of Sunshine Co-op’s crops following the settlers’ complete inability at defending it from an attack, I set out towards Cambridge. On my way there, I heard the Mechanist’s robotic fuckbuddies playing his cute little piece-of-shit holotape. I figured there would be maybe four of them at most, seeing how my last encounters hadn’t really given me much trouble aside from a tankbot rekking my rectum there at one point. Anyway, I take it slowly and hide down by the riverbank behind the trees. That should be enough cover, right? Well, yeah, but I then realize there were more than four robots there. I’d say there were more like eight. Obviously, I get shot to bits. Well, my legs got severed at any rate.

So, here we go again. I have to sate my thirst again. I set off towards Cambridge again. This time, the random robotic encounter turned into a random caravan encounter. The trader’s name was Smilling Billy or some shit. I don’t know; the stuff he sold was absolute trash. I ignore him, and follow the road down along the river, which I would guess is the Charles River, based on minimal Googling. I notice there is a raider settlement at the end of the road and decide to raid it. Well, I should have brought a sniper rifle, because that’s pretty much the only way to play this game without throwing a fit every two minutes. Here’s how it went down: I get a sneak attack critical in on a legendary raider there, which of course attracts every raider in the immediate vicinity. That’s not really a problem if they use their guns only, but, as can be deduced from the title, they had grenades, and they did indeed use said grenades. Well, they only used one.

Combat initiated, I use a tree as cover from a fair distance and don’t allow any of them to get too close. Codsworth and I both manage to take down a fair few of them, and end up with one final raider. “I’ll just reload behind this here tree,” I think to myself. “We’ve pretty much annihilated these guys.” Well, yeah, but of course the little cunt had an ace up his sleeve. He chucked a grenade at me. By the time I notice the reddish grenade marker on the screen, it’s too late. Barely managing to turn around in time, I get blown to bits by the grenade.

Obviously, I’m getting pretty annoyed by now. After calming down and reading other people’s rage stories involving various grenade-related shenanigans, I somwhat cheer up and head back towards the raider cunts’ base.

Prepared for a shitstorm, I notice a boatwreck just off the riverbank and decide that would be a good spot to hide. It’s a spot the raiders can’t reach and the distance between the raiders and us means I can just snipe them through the doorway or something. Well, I was being somewhat optimistic, because this is what happened:

omg fuck grenades in this game

So there I am, hiding inside the bridge or whatever smaller boats’ control room is called. The second I step out and peek past the doorframe, a raider prepares a grenade, chucks it halfway across the fucking river and lands it right through the doorway. At this point, I might as well throw my hands in the air, because most of the grenade’s fuse has burnt out by the time it lands inside the fucking boat. So yeah, I die. Mind you, the raiders didn’t even know where I was – my detect-o-meter read [       CAUTION        ]. It took the bastards less than one second to notice where I was, pull the pin on the grenade and land it perfectly through the doorway. As for my reaction: res ipsa loquitur.

As for what happened afterwards: I once again head down there. I encounter yet another robotic invasion, but manage to kill them off this time. Interestingly, a Dust Devil also showed up ahead of me, and the robots approached me from behind – they essentially pulled a pincer maneuver on me. Hiding by the river bank, I survive for once. Following this, I run down Riverside Road (patent pending) once fucking again. This time, I utilize a hit-and-run tactic, kiting the raiders out in the open in what would probably by most be called a cowardly manner, but it’s the only way to fight in this fucking game without dying a billion times and amassing hours upon hours of wasted time going back to where one died only to die again then rinse and repeat, sanity decreasing every time.

tl;dr: i died many times then just utlize a hit-and-run tactic to kill the raider cunts because its the only way to fight this game in yes.

“No Man’s Buy”

Well, the game has pretty much been released as worldwide as it’s ever going to be, and I can pretty confidently say I’m not going to get it. Originally, I was pretty interested in how the game would turn out, but I lost interest over time as I pondered upon the potential deception Hello Games could have been presenting us with over the last few years, or, as is the case with me, the past three months.  Thus I eventually forgot about the game until the beginning of this here August month now soon halfway gone by, and it seems it wouldn’t have made much of a difference whether I had continued being renewedly oblivious to the game or, as is indeed the case now, recalled that the game was to be released this August; I know for a fact I am never going to buy it.

So far, I have witnessed a review average of 6/10. Sounds like an overpriced piece of shit, if you ask me. No wonder they kept hiding their little game behind scripted trailers and “gameplay footage” videos.

Once again, the scepticism of certain people have been at a worrying low, including mine. I was excited for WildStar. It sucked. I was excited for Guild Wars 2. It sucked. I wasn’t really excited for Fallout 4 because I had kind of forgotten how long it had been since the previous entry. It’s pretty good once you mod out the shitty conversational UI and possibly make some modifications to the shitty-ish survival mode (i.e. the all-or-nothing approach they did in making it). It would seem the moral of the story is something along the lines of: “Fuck the hype – enjoy what follows ignorance”… or some stupid shit like that.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll find me something else to play.